So, I haven’t posted about the fertility treatments in a while. So here’s an update. Last month, I did the first month of injectable hormones (Gonal-f). The plan was to trigger and do IUI, but in an effort to get one more day to allow a borderline sized follicle to grow, I ended up ovulating on my own (I actually got my LH surge just hours before the time I was to trigger). I went ahead and did the trigger shot anyway, thinking it wouldn’t hurt anything (I may have been wrong to do that, keep reading). Well, because I surged on my own, that made the timing of the scheduled IUI different (if you trigger, then IUI is 36 hours after the shot….but if you surge on your own, they do it at about 24 hours). Because of this change in days, we didn’t get to do the IUI as planned (not that we think it necessarily helps in our situation, but it does help my stress levels to know the count and everything got where it should.) In addition, another change was that I was to give myself a booster shot of HCG mid two-week-wait, thus making my 2 week wait more like 17 days. At that point, I did a pregnancy test, it was negative, and I stopped my progesterone. Now, up until now, I have been spotting near the end of my cycle even with the progesterone. But thanks to the booster shot, I had no spotting at all….not at 12 days post ovulation (like I had been having), and not even at 16 days when I tested (yeah, i tested a day earlier that I was supposed to…sue me, I couldn’t wait). It took 4 additional days for my period to finally start! Talk about frustating…..I was really afraid something was wrong (I knew I wasn’t pregnant).
Well, per protocol for gonal-f, I had my cycle day 3 ultrasound on Monday. Now, the reason they do this is because these meds can causes cysts to form. And guess what….I have 2 large cysts (one on each side). So, there is the reason I wasn’t spotting…I had 2 cysts making hormones! Because of this, I can not have any meds this month. Because if those cysts have any follicle stimulating hormone receptors left on them, they will grow instead of shrink. And since the doc can’t tell a shrinking cyst from a growing follicle on ultrasound, further monitoring this month for IUI or anything else would be pointless and a waste of money. So, this is considered a “rest” cycle. We don’t have to prevent…but we will have no assistance….
Needless to say, I was pretty bummed yesterday. The migraine I had wasn’t helping matters. I’ll admit, part of me just wants to throw in the towel. This is way more emotionally hard than I ever imagined. But then the other part of me keeps saying, what if one more time is the time it happens…..what if I stop just one cycle short from a miracle???? Thankfully, my sweet husband listed to my bawling and frustrations and has encouraged me/us to keep going. That this is just a bump in the road.
OH, and remember that triggershot I took even though I knew I had surged and didn’t think it would hurt….I can’t help but wonder now if that is what caused the cysts (thought in all honesty, I think I have had cysts in the past, but I’ve never had an ultrasound that early in my cycle.) I’m also starting to wonder if there is simply something wrong with my hormones. The doc made a comment that my uterine lining was still pretty thick, indicating those cysts might still be secreting hormones….but at that scan, my bleeding had pretty much come to an end (my periods are actually pretty short). I’ve always had a good lining size at my pre-trigger shot scans, but what if that is because it never sheds properly??? So many questions, and of course, I thought of all of these AFTER I had left the doc’s office.
One last note…my gonal-f arrived today…..another $500 worth of meds just sitting in my fridge. I still have an almost full pen from last month left, and per instructions, it is only good for 28 days once it is used for the first time….so I won’t be able to use that pen next time (that’s nearly $125 worth of meds). I might ask a pharmacist friend about that though before I throw it away….I HATE wasting money on a med like that. I found this is a common complaint about gonal-f on the fertility forums…and it is often referred to as “liquid gold.”
Ugh, I’m tired, I’m frustrated, and I’m discouraged. Keep those prayers coming, we could sure use them.
PS….do NOT tell me all I need to do is relax (I was relaxed for many years before conceiving and that never did anything….took 7 years of “relaxing” to get our daughter. Also, yes, we are planning to do foster care in the hopes of adoption, but that is in addtion to wanting to be pregnant again. So, just don’t even suggest it to me…if you are interrested in our adoption plans, please feel free to ask, but don’t suggest it as an alternative to having more bio children….I’m not to that point yet. And if you think adoptiong is the “easy” “stress-free” option, then I have some people you should talk to who would tell you otherwise!!!!!!